My excuse
I know. I’ve been bad; I’ve been quiet. I promised something, and I’ve failed to deliver. Shame on me. The wedding post is still in production. *cough* Moving on…
At the very start of my online absence, a month ago, I had a very good excuse for the silence. I was ill. I believe this was something of a self-induced cold, if that’s at all possible. It started on a Sunday night; I was happily engrossed in a natural history programme on BBC2 when out of nowhere a hideous object floated across the screen. I, naturally, screamed; well, yelled might be closer to the mark.
It was one of THEM!
In my room!
Oh no, not again.
Three times I tried and failed to squish the thing with the mop I had at the ready. To say I was on edge, scared and fretful would be understating it. At about midnight I gave up on the game of hide and seek, which I was losing in spectacle fashion – I can see the point of minimalist living now. Trying to track down an ugly, erratically-flying, admittedly harmless, but rather large fly in a room full of books, that happens to be painted in midnight blue proved a little too much for me. I scooped up my bedding and prepared myself for a night on the sofa.
At 5 am, after not even a hint of sleep, I decided that I wouldn’t be permanently forced out of my own bedroom by something so trivial. I knew it was still in there. Did I have a relaxing, peaceful sleep? Did I bugger! I was paranoid about it flying out of somewhere (I believed it was somewhere under the bed) and brushing against my foot or leg so I spent the whole night overheating under the duvet that was tucked in so tight I couldn’t move. Uncomfortable would be a word to describe the situation.
I spent most of the following Monday avoiding my room, to afraid of running in to it again. That night I was knackered, and I really wanted my room back to myself. I sat poised on the bed; mop in hand, ready to launch a full-on attack on the wee beastie. After a little while it appeared. Trying to control my yelping to a minimum, I waited until it settled on something so that the mop attack would be 100% effective. Unfortunately, I was a little impatience and lunged at the first opportunity. I overcompensated for the previous missed chances and pushed and twisted the mop about far more than before. Upon inspecting the mop head, something done slowly, so as not to get a very nasty surprise of the supposed dead flying directly at my face; I discovered no corpse. Had I got it? Was I to have a peaceful night? Was the sore throat that had developed overnight about to turn into something more? In short: yes, yes, and yes. Some mop shaking and twisting in midair, dumped a partial corpse upon the bed; some legs, a wing, what looked like part of a body. The joy at the realisation that this particular battle was over was immense. I shut my window up, changed my bedding (it had gained a smoky odour from the sofa, the result of sharing a living space with smokers), shower and a hunt for some Tunes left me feeling far more perky then I would normally at the start of a cold.
I thought the annual horror for me was over, until one night last week. It was very warm following rain the day/night before, perfect conditions for more of the bastard things to appear. I was simply preparing a sandwich when a loud buzzing passed my right ear, and then I saw it. I’m not sure if the screaming started before or after I saw it. It certainly scared the shit out of me though. I didn’t manage to kill that one until the follow day. It thought that hiding amongst the house plants on the kitchen window sill would somehow save it; it did not. (Commence evil laughter.)
Moral of the story? Getting oneself in a right flap (technical term) isn’t good for you. And obtaining something a little more effective than a mop to annihilate your nemesis (I can't even stand to look at the picture without squirming) is a wise move. Like a damp mop, perhaps.
(Evil laughter can stop now)
Being the generous soul that I am, I shared the cold with the rest of the family. Tis my revenge on the smokers. (A little more evil laughter, that quickly dies out with the follow sentence) But mum has a persist chest infection, which isn’t helpful to her condition. And she isn’t sleeping well so is more grumpy than usual.
