Brewer’s droop. Go home, you’re no good to me.
Well, the title says it all really.
I have to admit to having taken home not just 1, but 2 guys with the aforementioned condition. Both were *ahem* known to me quite well. I am still mates with 1 of them…
Bloke number one. Lets call him Gareth, which may or may not be his real name 
We were having a lovely evening out with all our colleagues drinking lots of interestingly coloured drinks, all pretty much involving vodka. I forget what we were actually celebrating, but back then the IT department didn’t need an excuse to go out on the lash.
The end of the night comes, and we share a taxi back as we live kinda close by. I *may* have invited him to come back for more drinking. Somewhere between come back to mine for more vodka and my house we ended up snogging. Fair enough I think. Not mixing work and pleasure seems a silly reason not to hook up with someone (and what with my track record…)
Now, I lived in the top floor flat at the time with access out onto the roof. And this was becoming one of those times when it was worth clambering all over the table to get out there. Thankfully it was summer, so we could easily “lose” some clothes out there as things were hotting up…only to be rather rapidly cooled down again when it became clear even fallatio wasn’t going to resurrect this guy’s sleeping member.
May I just mention to guys reading this: this awkward silence in proceedings is where you politely leave. I consider it a faux pas to then want to pass out in my bed. You will most definately be in my way for when I get a more reliable cock in to finish the job - i.e. my trusty vibrator.
In Gareth’s defence, he was rather good at going down (if a little dribbly) but I’m just one of those girls who like a bit of good, hard shagging.
And of course, no, I didn’t learn my lesson. For my sins, I took another drunken guy home only to have my hopes of a night of passion dashed again! This was a couple of years ago, and I’d like to say that I am older and wiser and wont fall for the droopy-dicked guy again…Whale will of course say otherwise after another of our drunken nights out clubbing of all things! Gaaaah! (but that’s another post, isn’t it Svetlana?)
-moosh
Gareth said,
5 September, 2006 at 11:57 pm
I would like to be the guy who shags you good and hard. I know how much you girls love your vibrators, and i would love to finish you off using yours. I’m not one to pass out or be in the way, i love to be in on the action and am a “dab hand” with a vibrator.
moosh said,
11 September, 2006 at 3:04 pm
Well Gareth, what a proposition! Unfotunately - I think that you can only be 2 out of a possible 3 of these:
Single, Attractive, Mentally stable.
You pick which 2 you are and get back to me
Gareth said,
11 September, 2006 at 11:15 pm
I’m really sorry to disapoint you but i am all three. I am also well endowed, well hung, fit, healthy but more importantly i love to please and satisfy not just myself. Maybe that is unfortunate. Oh.. i also like redheads!
moosh said,
13 September, 2006 at 2:25 pm
Well endowed _and_ well hung (not to label a point there)
Well, you got my attention anyway. So where can we read about you and your schlong’s exploits? Any testimonials?
Gareth said,
13 September, 2006 at 10:48 pm
Thought it was just a girlie thing to write about your exploits, didn’t realise you expect us mere men to indulge in writing as well. I have had many happy **females** pay homage and tribute to my menber, thank you.
**Definition 9?** http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=female
Possibly having a male version of a blonde moment but glad you are a red head!
moosh said,
19 September, 2006 at 10:16 am
Well done there then (I think). Lots of girlfriends yada yada - although you’re starting to scare me slightly now…
And yes, I want to read about your exploits otherwise I’ll start wondering if you’re not Whale just having a laugh
whale said,
19 September, 2006 at 2:26 pm
It’s not me! Honest, gov!
Gareth said,
21 September, 2006 at 11:34 pm
I’m sorry Moosh but didn’t mean to scare ya. I like your post of the 20th - really made me laugh
How could my literary skills ever attempt to compete with your cultured, refined blogging i don’t know? My exploits tend to go like this. Meet girl at pub/club/bar/blog mmm?; get pissed, go home my/her place; get laid; go to sleep; wake up. I don’t pretend to be anything other than your typical bloke except that in the “get laid” situation i always try to give more than i take - i do enjoy pleasing. So if you think i’m having a laugh where is the funny bit?
moosh said,
22 September, 2006 at 9:33 am
Well I’m just glad you like my interminable ramblings, umm, Gareth. I’m quite amazed at the amount of return visitors who come back for more thrilling installments!
Although your getting laid situation sounds rather typical - it’s just not bodice-ripping enough really now, is it? I’d have to give you only 6/10 for that one. I know you can try harder…
Gareth said,
23 September, 2006 at 10:34 pm
Yes, your interminable ramblings are some of the best i’ve seen and of course are always thrilling me. Just reading one or two “episodes” makes me feel as if i almost know you. I realise my comments are just not in the same league and am happy that i’m worthy to be given a score at all. Maybe i’m “typical” in that my actions speak louder than words in such a scenario. You would not believe how hard i am at the moment….and i’m not even trying!!!
moosh said,
23 September, 2006 at 11:23 pm
Awww, what a lovely comment. Don’t worry - when Whale and I become rich and famous, we’ll spare a thought for you and your knob.
Gareth said,
25 September, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Is that your goal? and how long do you think that will be? Just wondering about my poor knob being not thought about very much, it kinda gives me that sinking feeling!
moosh said,
26 September, 2006 at 1:20 pm
Yeah, well it’s our general goal - but until we acheive that we’ll just get drunk and write about it…
If you really want us to think about your knob some more, you’re gonna have to give us more to go on. A valid email address might be a good start
Gareth said,
28 September, 2006 at 2:29 am
I guess you could shack up a wealthy bloke to speed things along a bit - i’m not making any offers though since i’m only worth about 50p right now - but am also good at getting drunk. I’ll sort out registering a valid email address with hotmail for a start and then give you more to go on. Super dooper.
Gareth said,
28 September, 2006 at 2:45 am
There you go. My email address. Now what?
Gareth said,
28 September, 2006 at 2:56 am
Oops, sorry for all these posts, this address is correct not the other one.
Gareth said,
28 September, 2006 at 2:57 am
Oops, sorry for all these posts - maybe you can tidy them up a bit - this address is correct not the other one.
moosh said,
2 October, 2006 at 5:13 pm
Now what? Well, you check your bloody email for starters