Nothing (much) To Report

Well, now I know what those tingly things were - it was just me coming down with some nasty, shitty cold type thing. Big hairy pants.

Well, at least it wasn’t the menopause I hear you all say (very quietly). I’ve been a complete martyr and come into work today after spending the last 4 days under a duvet and watching some truly shite day time TV. That’s enough to make anyone get better.  Jerremy Kyle! What a smug opinionated twunt he is. If I was a 14 year old chav with 2 kids and a boyfriend whose only interest in life is wanking in a small flat and drinking with his mates, I don’t think I’d be interested in any of his advice. Advice that, to me, consisted only of “you’re far too young!” (well, I could only actually stomach 5 minutes of the drivel so maybe it got better)

Anyway, enough of my rant on daytime TV…well, OK just a bit more. Princess Nikki! What a program. For a daytime slot, this was actually quite good. Nikki from Big Brother being made to gut fish and clean out a deep fat fryer. Priceless. So 4 days being ill – not entirely wasted.

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah, right….I was in London last week and was planning on spending the Saturday being all spangly and going around Covent Garden. I felt so ill that it was all I could do to just drag myself to Paddington to get a train home. People shuffled as far as possible away from me on the tube – I looked awful and wasn’t entirely sure if I was going to throw up or pass out (so can’t say I blame them really). I told my Nan about this and she said “They probably thought you were a Druggie!”

Yeah. Thanks Nan.

So whilst I may be at work, I am taking it very easy. Have read through 50 emails but not actually done anything about them yet. Maybe tomorrow. I only really came in to use the inkjet printer anyway But there is a reason for taking it easy – I must be better by Saturday. Whale is coming over for an afternoon Ready Steady Cook challenge, all to be made with whatever I have in my cupboards…which is mainly beans…followed by our annual pre-christmas drinky. This year to be in Stroud. Woo and Yay. Can’t miss that.

More vitamin C needed.

-Moosh

I’ve been getting these tingles in the neck for the past week or so. No biggy or anything. Just thought I’d see if google had anything to say on the matter – and have just found out that neck tingling is a symptom of the Menopause!

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

That’s bloody it. I’ve gone and caught the menopause of my middle-aged collagues.

Oh fwap.

-moosh

First off: I just wanted to say how much glasses can change a person’s face. I’m amazed. A certain person *cough* now wears them, and it’s made such a difference (it’s the big chunky square ones) So yes, glasses.

As for the rest of Wednesday when I wasn’t thinking about glasses, it was spent in the most pointless way possible – in a room full of people with such varying points of view and no want or way to reconcile them. *sigh*. Normally, this wouldn’t bother me – I’d just let them argue it out and shut the fuck up but on Wednesday I was suffering the after effects of the “champagne” (I don’t think it was real Champagne – hence the hangover) from the night before. I was in no mood to listen to people who love the sound of their own voices. Thankfully escape was possible from this meeting at 3.30 – woo! So I was then free to entertain myself in whatever way seemed fit. I must confess this actually involved Chocolate and crap TV.

Tomorrow night will be much different though, a *proper* night out in our Capital City has been promised. I will try not to vomit on any 4-wheel drive car. I should add that the emphasis should be on the word try. I actually haven’t been able to get roaringly drunk since that last episode – my stomach still almost winces at the sight of blue curaco.

And lastly, blimey trousers – where did December go? One more week left till the end of worky. Woo and yay to that. I had a depressingly depressing thought on the car on the way in this morning and that was “what have I actually done this year?” And I couldn’t really think of anything particularly noble or worthy. This year has been quite sucky all in all. I’ve done alot work wise – but my personal life has been incredibly dull. Maybe it’s just been the last couple of months marring my judgement – but nothing really sticks out in my mind. Pah. My new years resolution will probably be to do more interesting stuff.

The end.

-moosh

…A very bad judge of character going by how the last few weeks have panned out.

And that is all that I can (and will) say on the matter.

-moosh (from under a rock)

There’s always been a lot of hoo-hah about the Rampant Rabbit, and I think the time may have come to purchase one of these things. Although perhaps not with actual rabbit-features. That would be just plain wrong. After spending quite a long time in a sex shop in Amsterdam perusing the battery-powered paraphernalia, I still can’t get why people would want vibrators with fluffy animal expressions. Or dolphins for that matter. But anyway, I digress.

I sent this picture to Whale earlier this week:

And this is why I think I might turn celebate. We were both just horrified that anyone would think that this picture would encourage women to sleep with them. I mean, come on. Really. A big hairy guy, lead on the bed being photographed with a bendy hardon and not much else only sends creepy shivers down my spine in the way that only guys who buy you a drink then think that you should then sleep with them do. *shudder* In fact, just looking at it now, I can almost picture his little face just willing you to sit on his man-pole. Gaaaaah! Arse. Now I’ve got that image in my head for probably the rest of the day.

If this makes me Gay or a Nun then so be it. 

Whilst we’re vaguely on the subject, what is it with lots of body hair? I go to great lengths to get absolutely plastered and epilate most of my body hair off because I think it looks so much better like that, so in return I expect not to get a mouthful of pubic muff everytime I go down on someone. It’s a shame I’m so often disapointed….this would actually nicely lead on to the time when I was actually hilariously sick over someone I was performing fellatio on….but, I’d better not say that here.

So yeah - rampant rabbit versus hairy man-pole. I know which one I want.

 -moosh

Well, well, well. That’s it then. We’ve nearly run out of 2006. This is a bad thing for me, because it’s my birthday on 31st and I don’t want to get any older PLUS next year is going to be an odd-numbered year.

I can’t explain it – there’s just this overwhelming wrongness to odd-numbered years. Bad things always happen to me on them and I don’t expect to be lucky again for an entire year (and by that time I will nearly be 30 – gaaaaah!)

So, whilst I’m in a reflective kinda mood I thought I’d share with you some of the things I’ve learnt during 2006…

• Trying to sell a car with half a roof rack is never easy
• Constant faffing and dying of hair really doesn’t make it grow
• Dressing up as a KGB agent was a very good idea in October (possibly not such a good one now)
• Thinking 280 miles to Brugge – that’s not far – let’s go!
• Men who drive Lotus sports cars (or ones just designed by Lotus) makes them self-centred arseholes. Technically, this was more of a re-learning than a learning.
• I’m stupid for not learning my lesson first time around that men who drive Lotus sports cars are, in fact self-centred arseholes
• Being an Aunty isn’t too bad
• Thinking that doing a project for the American office would be a good idea
• Forgetting the location of where you used to find loads of magic mushrooms until it’s too dark to pick them shows that vast quantities of drugs *do* affect memory
• I’ve learnt far too much about the menopause. More than I could possibly ever need to know working in an office with middle-aged ladies
• Collecting pictures of knobs from men on skype is incredibly easy and they will even pose with various items naked if requested
• Moving my desk around so that very few people can see my monitor was one of the best things I’ve ever done…but hasn’t exactly lead to an increase in productivity
• Painting a bathroom bit by bit when you work full time is a very long task indeed
• The amount of people searching for “free soapy tit wanks” is actually quite high, and makes me wonder if they actually expect to find a website offering such a thing for free?
• Sometimes, you just have to get very, very drunk
• Pointy high-heeled boots *always* look great but you’ll feel sorry for yourself after a day of shopping wearing them (again, learnt before but easily forgotten)
• Wanking Dutch men are very erotic
• Wanking English men aren’t
• Nightclubs are still great fun
• Having some peaceful, nice, quiet times to yourself is actually jolly nice
• People have probably stopped reading this long list by now

-moosh