Nothing (much) To Report

I’m actually in quite a bad mood, and for no reason *at all*. I can’t figure it out – it’s not a pre-menstrual thing, I’m not running around like a headless chicken at work…so I don’t know what it is. All I know is that everyone is fecking me off.

Mrs Posh at work forwarded me an email today (she sends me countless emails on any given day, so I shouldn’t get so uptight about this one) with just a line saying “shouldn’t we be doing something about this?”

It was, of course, the royal “we”.

It got right up my goat (as Kath & Kim would say). It was some daft community newswire email that she gets sent all the time and forwards to random people instead of actually doing any work whatsoever. OooOOoooo. Get her.

It was about blogging. She was suggesting that I should be blogging for the charity…Oh for fucks sake. I’d love to tell her that her antics here at weird community charity were already out there on teh interweb, but I don’t think that’s quite what she meant. I also don’t think a blog entirely about a load of middle aged women bitching about people and eating biscuits would make a very interesting blog. I could be wrong though…

So I sent her a snotty email back saying that yes, she should be doing something about this.

She didn’t like it very much.

 I’m guessing though, that I have a kind of black look about me today, as everyone is just kinda steering clear of me. Yay!

On a more positive note, I’ve got an excellent game to play now in very dull meetings: all you need to do is imagine each speaker having an orgasm – and make it fit their personality/style in the work place. I was playing this yesterday in Glastonbury (lovely place, crap meeting) and almost disgraced myself a great deal. When one chap got up to speak, I had to gaffaw into my cup of tea as I imagined him dry-humping the person who just happened to be sitting next to him. Hilarity ensued.

Actually, I’ve probably just made a lot of people really paranoid about public speaking now. D’oh!

Moosh

Tags: Bad Moods, Work-shy blaggers, Kath and Kim, blogging, boring meetings dry humping

I seem to have spent the entire weekend burning stuff. No, it wasn’t a relapse into childhood (where I once accidentally “scorched” the ceiling. A bit. *cough*) this was a full on melting of plastic incident. Or incidents.

I got home from work on Friday reeeeeally hungry and fancying curry. So whilst the curry was bubbling away on the hob I had a vague memory of there being some naan bread in the freezer. Oooooh yes I thought. Getting around the being frozen dilemma was solved by placing it on top of the toaster. Yes, yes I know that’s not a good idea now.

For a while, I thought it was actually working (I have a bun toasting thingy on the top of it) and I was looking forward to it’s garlicy goodness. It wasn’t until the burning smell started to permeate my nose, above the smell of curry cooking that I thought I ought to investigate. Not only had it melted the plastic holding the bun toasting thingy, it had also scorched part of the wall behind the toaster too Oh deary dear.

This may have been responsible for my weird dream that night, whereby I stole some parcels out of a parcel van (no, I’m not like that in real life – I’d just like to point out) but the parcels turned out to be birthday presents for a child that lived in a neighbouring suburb. Oh the guilt! Luckily they had the address on, so I thought I could just sneak the presents into the little boy’s house the next day. The presents were: a big old fashioned cookery basin with cooking items in and a jar of mustard (fantastic presents for a little boy…must have been from some strange Aunty). When I woke up still confused on the Saturday morning – I still wasn’t sure if I had to spend the day unstealing the presents or not.

Anyway, on the Saturday having learnt my lesson from the Friday night I thought I’d microwave a pizza (yeah, top chef I am) instead of burning anymore household appliances. All went well – I even used the grill function on it. 

By the Sunday, all the previous days microwaving antics had been forgotten, so when it came to reheating the last of the curry – I just slapped it in there, with the lovely plastic lid on it that I’d bought from Betterware ages ago. Can you see where this is going? Of course – I’d left the fwapping microwave on the grill setting and just melted the plastic lid all over the curry. Baaaaah!

And just for a bit more of added guilt – this Saturday I was back over in Gloucester and saw the “human cannon” from the Moscow State Circus wandering around looking at a map and looking lost. I should have offered some help, but felt so terrible for calling him a fatter version of Putin that I just scurried past. Bad Moosh. It was doubly bad, because out of his dare devil costume, he was actually quite cute. Gaaaah! Does that mean I have some deep-seated infatuation with Putin himself???

I scare myself sometimes…

 -moosh

I was given a couple of tickets to the Moscow State Circus last week, and thought “Oh god, I don’t want to go to the fecking circus, but will have to go now out of politeness”.

 The last time I went to the circus, I was about 6 and all I remember was the crappy clowns doing something shit and also, I have a more vivid memory of not having my face painted. It was too expensive. It shows the impact the circus had on me. So I can be forgiven for dreading last night.

I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. The opening of it was quite surreal – it was a dance involving flowers. It wasn’t just the sequinned-up girlies doing it (which would have been fine) they made the burly Russian male gymnasts do it too. It just looked odd. It did get much better though, to the extent that I could even ignore the “little darling” behind me kicking the back of my head every 5 minutes.

There were a few more surreal moments – the human cannon looked like a fatter version of Putin, and underwhelmed the whole audience by “popping” out of a cylinder of metal. Bless.

The swinging gymnastic bits  (gymnasts on swings, not polyamourous gymnasts) were ace. They did manage to drop the chaps about 3 times and only once did the whole routine correctly – but as long as I was watching big men in tight clothes flying about, I was a happy bunny.

Oh! And there was a man there juggling 9 balls. I was very impressed.

The finale was the gymnasts springing all over the place (I’m not describing it very well, am I?) and it made me *really* want a go. As a result – I’ve now decided to go to the proper Moscow circus in, err, Moscow next time I’m over there so see it all done without the dropping people bits. Yayness.

Anyway – well worth a look (if only to perve at men wearing lycra)

-moosh

Tags: Moscow State Circus, GAZelle,

Yesterday was a long day. We had a 5 hour team meeting. Yes, you read that right – 5 hours. What can I say – here at Weird Community Charity we just like to waffle. And argue. And bitch.

There was something yesterday though to keep me amused – the Scottish chap (who I hope never finds this blog…) was down again for this meeting. *ahem*. First kiss on the cheek went all OK – I tried the turning my cheek towards him as he approaches, approach. It’s a bit weird, as I end up saying hello to him without actually facing him (he probably thinks I’m a bit loopy now)

Anyway, as the meeting progresses I’m listening to him talking with his lovely (yet almost incomprehensible) Scottish accent and almost without thinking find myself twirling my hair around my fingers in a girlie fashion and dreamily staring at him. When I become aware of this, I try and pull myself together only to find myself 5 minutes later suggestively almost wanking a pen. Oh jeez. In my defence (your honour) he actually stretched up, making his t-shirt rise quite a way up his chest to reveal the tops of his boxer shorts….which he then started playing with. Gaaaah.

All of this is enough to send someone like me over the edge. (Actually, it doesn’t take much) In my head, I was leaping across the table and running my hands, shortly followed by my lips over his manly physique. It was from that point on in the meeting that I gave up listening to what anyone was saying and was lost to my own little fantasy world *sigh*

You wait, the next team meeting I’ll find out that I’ve volunteered to do all kinds of things. D’oh!

Unfortunately, the goodbye kiss on the cheek didn’t go so well at all. I dithered (I was a bit distracted). I didn’t turn my head to one side. He then dithered too. This time we really did come close to accidentally brushing lips (damn it) hehehehe

- a hot and flustered moosh

This is not good. Back at work after over a week off. Thankfully I’m the only one in the office at the moment, so I can ease myself in gently by drinking tea and avoiding reading my backlog of emails for a little while longer.

Me and ‘er went out last week to do lunch. And it was smashing – Prezzos is indeed the bestest pizza place ever. (Well, the best one outside of Italy) Much wine was quaffed, we had a posh version of garlic bread with cheese (only it had a fancy name) and when it came to paying, I forgot my pin number and mashed the buttons up and the very nice waiter had to reset everything for me. Oh deary dear. I blame the wine on an empty stomach. Yes. That was it.

I also got the chance to partake of my hobby – trying on bras. It’s not really a chosen hobby, but I just seem to try on bras at every opportunity, in search of the perfect bra (and not one that will just sit in my drawer because it doesn’t properly fit) None of the bras tried on last week passed the jumping up and down test. *ahem* I’m not ready for old women bras yet. *sob*

I also saw someone else famous in Heathrow T2 arrivals. But I couldn’t tell you her name if my life depended on it…she is some kind of singer (possibly backing vocals) and looks like a black version of David Bowie from the 80s. Any ideas? Answers on the back of a postcard.

Well, I can’t put the inevitable off anymore – I’m going to have to at least open my post. Baaaaah.

-moosh

About 2 weeks ago I moved the poor lemon tree away from the bullying orange plants and bought it a special drip-feeder thingy for citrus plants. It’s supposed to release just the right amount of food.

Of course, when I turned it upside down and put it in the soil – it just emptied itself and gave the lemon tree a few months food in one go. Opps. (Yes, I did follow all the instructions on the tube before you say anything. Meh.) I was ready to throw it away and start again (was admiring mahoosive lemon trees in the garden centre t’other day) when I noticed that it is actually now flowering and thinking about growing some leaves! Yay! That means that not only is it not dead, it’s actually fairly happy now.

Smashing. I do like a happy ending.

-moosh

Yes, for a moment I’d like to draw your attention to the important events that are currently going on in Ukraine.

Many of you are probably worried about the situation, wondering what the outcome can possibly be. Will their actions effect the relationship that they have with Russia? And will the west go for the choices that they have made?

I’m talking, of course, about choosing Verka Serduchka to represent them in the Eurovision contest 2007*

Now, as you know, I do like Verka Serduchka; from her humble beginnings as a train compartment guard to living the good life in a variety of stunning head attire – you just have to admire someone like that.

So I was a little disappointed when I heard her entry for the Eurovision contest, firstly because it just wasn’t as good as I know she’s capable of and secondly (controversially) because she appears to sing “I want to see, Russia Goodbye … Ukraine is cool”. Offical outrage then ensued until Danilko was cornered by the press to say that he/she isn’t actually singing “Russia Goodbye”, but instead “Lasha tumbai” (apparently Mongolian for churned butter. Okaaaaay). He went on to say that all those who heard “Russia Goodbye” (and there are many) should clean their ears out.

Now, where did I put my cotton buds?

Well, listen for yourself to ‘Dancing Lasha Tumbai’ and admire the smashing hats at the same time….

Anyway, it’ll still have my vote on the night. It’s a tune that’ll grow on you…regardless of what she’s singing :D

-moosh

Tags: Verka Serduchka Eurovision 2007

*Oh, and some strange looking man has dissolved their parliament, but nobody is talking about that