Nothing (much) To Report

Yesterday, on msn we were pondering on why oh why *some* men are just rubbish at foreplay. We did not come up with any helpful conclusions to be honest, which is why I am trying to organise these musings into a post. Very badly.

 So, before anyone says it I know that not *all* men are such crap bastards that they can’t even locate the clitoris…but it would appear that I’ve been out with a fair few of them. Note to self: stop doing that.

We therefore present the following possible reasons for further discussion:

• They’re just too damn eager to get onto the main event *cough*
• They simply can’t be arsed
• They’re not bothered about the lady’s enjoyment
• They honestly don’t know where the clitoris is
• Inexperience? Although that’s no excuse for not asking for directions…
• They were trained inefficiently by past girlfriends

There was this one guy, who shall remain nameless, actually lost his hard on if he had to waste time on foreplay *shakes head*. I tried coaxing, encouraging, tempting, teasing, and eventually, sulking all to no avail. It’s quite sad really.

But…on the otherhand, I’ve had the most amazing foreplay ever during a mushroom enhanced evening. Somehow it felt more like we were melting together (yes, yes I know this was probably the mushrooms) but we both were able to somehow morph our bodies together to experience what the other person was experiencing, and therefore know exactly what to do to heighten the pleasure. This guy wasn’t going to loose his errection (thankfully) in a hurry and I think we were writhing around on the bed for about 8 hours. Or that could have been the mushroomy elated sense of time…it was probably just 8 minutes

Meh. I guess you just had to be there.

Anyway, the bottom line according to Moosh is:

1. take your time
2. run your hands *all* over their body and not just the good bits
3. don’t fall asleep (i’m not joking on this one…)
4. know what your tongue is for
5. and the best thing ever is……kissing the back of the neck
6. don’t EVER leave out point 5

If you do all of this, you will have a Moosh shaped piece of putty in your hands (errrr, or whoever you happen to be screwing at the time)

Moosh

Tags: foreplay, magic mushrooms