Nothing (much) To Report

For avid followers of Nothing (much) to report, you will already be aware that I work with a complete cow, namely the carpet-jumpered freak. She has gone and excelled herself this week (and it’s only Tuesday)

My boss has actually walked out. Gone. Had enough.

He couldn’t stand another moment of being her boss and therefore dealing with her and all her shit. Which is a shame, because he’s actually a really cool boss.

We’re all used to the bitchy comments, but this time she actually left her appraisal notes on her desk when she went to lunch. I was leaning over, opening the window when I saw my name. Naturally, the eye was then drawn to it. I guess she didn’t realise that her appraisal is actually to appraise her work. Given that she doesn’t actually do that much, I guess that’s why she just moaned about everyone else. Meowwww.

Anyway, the notes were just basically laying into everyone: so-in-so doesn’t do this, so-in-so said xyz back in January, so-in-so is defensive, do you know what so-in-so is doing? etc etc. That’s right: she wrote down reminders of what to bitch about.

What. A. Cow.

We were all pretty irked at this, and I was up for confronting her, all wound up. My boss says “Gaaaah” and goes back to his office. In the meantime, I go for a walk and calm the fuck down. What I didn’t know was that he actually warned her that I was up for a fight (or at least a confrontation) so when I got back all calm and quickly stuck on my headphones, I didn’t understand why she kept wanting to talk to me about loads of complicated shit (IT development) that she wanted done, like immediately. She kept getting up in my face, despite my best “don’t talk to me” face I had on.

Putting 2 and 2 together later, I realised that she was actually trying to provoke me into a fight. For whatever reason, I don’t know and quite frankly don’t give a shit anymore.

We all had a massive bitching session after she left for the day. No one likes her. No one wants to work with her. Everyone loves the days when she’s not in the office.

Anyway, down the pub last night all thoughts turned to revenge. I wanted to come up with some devilishly clever computer-based come back which meant showing her up in front of everyone. Two IT people, two pints and we still couldn’t come up with anything that wouldn’t look like I sabotaged her PC. Damn it.

The only workable solution was this: I would get a misting spray and fill it full of wee. Everytime she leaves the room, I’d spray her chair and make sure that her clothes get covered in wee. Steal the keys to her car, spray wee in there too. She’s of “that age” which marketing campaigns target Tena Lady at, rather than Tampax if you get my drift. I’m sure after a while we *may* be able to convince her that she has some bladder issues.

Comment below if you think I should do this…..

Mwahahahhahaha

Moosh

Tags: Bitchy colleague, Nightmare workmates, Bladder issues