How To Have A Good Wank

31 July, 2008 at 11:55 pm (Matron!, T'internet) ()

Clearly many of you have been looking for the answer to this particular concern. And I think it’s about time you got some answers.

So, here it is: The Nothing (much) To Report Guide To How To Have A Good Wank. Enjoy.

No, really, enjoy it. That’s the first rule. There’s no point in getting to know yourself personally in the “biblical sense” if you aren’t enjoying it. Half-hearted masturbation will only lead to disappointment and a general bad temper. Ask anyone who’s been there. *looks around*

Also, try not to get interrupted during your self-love time, unless you’re really into that sort of thing. It puts a big dampener on any orgasm. Especially if the someone interrupting you is a family member, and you’re just about to come. And instead of enjoying the moment and going with it, you’re very suddenly having to think and making sure they’re unlikely to see anything that would need mind bleach.

If you’re using sex toys, whether they be vibrating ones or not, be careful. You’d be surprised by the kind of injuries caused by those high-addictive gadgets. Blisters being the least of them!

Keep the Wank Bank well stocked. It’s not a joyous thing to discover during the latest round of spelunking that your mental store of fantasies has run out or gotten so over-used or tired as to be ineffectual and the need for external porn is great. More so if the internet is not available or there is no suitable literature to hand. That’s possibly one more aimed at the girls. Guys tend be more visual so you’re probably already got a handy stash of magazines or your favourite porn site on standby.

I have mostly assumed that it’s only gents looking for clues on how to self-pleasure. In the same way I’ve assumed that all the searches for the term “wanking my father” are for on the hunt for fairly harmless incest-based pornography and not actual tips and tricks on how to position yourself into getting a hand, lubed up or otherwise, on your old man’s cock until he splutters out a climax.

If it’s for the former that you’re looking, sorry, out of luck here, this ain’t that sort of blog. And if it’s the latter, ditto.

Ok, that’s it for part one. Should you have any questions, please send them to beachedwhaler(at)gmail.com or leave a comment.

Bea

56 Comments

  1. gemma said,

    Hello, i found your website because my dad wants me to wank him and im not really sure how to do it or what it means. he gets cross if i dont do things propperley so please can you help me. thank you very much.

  2. Daniel Stoner said,

    This site isn’t as good as some but it still helps because I used to wank real fast and not enjoy it as much as I should anyway my girl friend is in her bunny outfit so I am goin to get her in bed before she gets terned off ;)

    • Dannielle said,

      Thats really good xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  3. Chris said,

    This site i thought was really good. I do spend a lot of my time wanking and I’m always looking for new ways to do it and ways to make it more enjoyable. If you can give me anymore tips or different ways to have a good time then please email me and tell me.

  4. Dave said,

    Please. im waiting for new wanking material in Part 2, come on Bea put me out of my misery.

  5. ben said,

    I love wanking i wear my mums g strings and wear makeup and i cum heaps.

  6. april said,

    ma dad asks me to do it and he hits wen i dnt do it can u get help for me plz

    • Tyler said,

      I’ll help u text me on 07914432526 well met up and weel practice together

  7. Ben said,

    wanking is great in bed & shower but it’s really boreing if theres no good ways…

    could someone email me and tell me abit about wanking thanks

    my contact info

    Ben Jam
    Sydney
    Ph: Unknown
    Mob: Unknown
    Email Address: msnrox4lfy@live.com

    email me please

  8. ewbrtbr said,

    i wank really good i luv it and all the cum goes every where

  9. Bryn Griffiths said,

    Me and my stepdad wank together all the time, every now and again we’ll wank each other off, and sometimes he even lets me suck his c**k. I sucked his balls once but I didnt like that because they tasted sweaty. The best though is when he sucks me off and i blow my load in his mouth, I get sooo horny.

  10. johnny crumpet said,

    I wank my tits and blow cum on a shit heap it makes me wanna wank harder

  11. kieran19.9inch said,

    me and my uncle wank together he sucks my cock i suck his cock it’s makes me happy

    • dave said,

      y do u suck each other isnt it inbreed

  12. blaah said,

    my girlfriend cant wank so i got her sister to do it she was shit to so…i got her mum…yeah, she was shit too :(

  13. Kdawg said,

    Me n my partner dont go 2gethr now. We sleep n separate rooms. I like 2 av a gid wank 2 myself n bed coz a enjoy it btr. But i think of my exs wen she realy wanked me of coz it was so gid that ow a like 2 av won.

  14. eli said,

    i cant find good ways to wank i try licking my hand and then rubbing my cock it good but gets boring please help text me on 0879592654

  15. kesha said,

    i am a girl and wank my clits till there wet im here because im always horny tough i am a virgin and only 13 i wana f*** hard tonite

    • daryl hall said,

      hey kesha im 14 and a boy and im alwyas horny 2 if u want to we could av sex .. my email is hary.monkey@live.ie

      • joe said,

        hey u into guys…

    • jamie said,

      heey, im 14 and feel horny alot too, i hate it if im at school and i feel wet. i always just want to play with myself. id love to have sex but no one in my year are into that stuff yet :(

      • Richard said,

        Hey I know what you mean. I’m a 15 year old boy and I often have to wank at school cos there are real sexy boys in my class. I have seen there dicks when we do phys. Ed> and we have to change together. One boy is so big I would love to suck him.
        Richard

    • Tyler said,

      Hey kesha I’m so horny and I’m 13 If your interested text me on 07914432526 and that’s the same for any girl

    • joshua may said,

      heey kesha
      um im up for a fuck if your keen!

      joshrememberspogo@hotmail.co.nz

    • joshua may said,

      0211151206
      txt me bub

    • horneywanker said,

      Hey send me a pic of your clit then ill send u a pic of my cock ;) text me on 07875667446

      Thanks

    • Ryan said,

      I’m 14 lad still a virgin too and I’m soo horny as well please give me a shout doobiethedog@hotmail.co.uk or bbm 299F0934 thanks

  16. kesha said,

    if you wana fuck e-mail me im always wet

  17. daryl hall said,

    any girls wanna fuck im 14 and a boy lol … im always horny but wanking doesnt do it for me email me at hairy.monkey@live.ie or text me at 0863115567

  18. dave said,

    pllz help im so horny i neeed a good way to wank help i just go up and down on my cock and its boring all i do is up down cum every where

  19. prince-wank alot said,

    ALL OF YOU ARE DIRTY INSEST LOW LIVES
    I MEA N WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SERIOUS?
    WANKING YOUR DADS? THIS WEBSITE IS A TRAP FOR PEADOFILES!!!

  20. james said,

    Aww im so horny right now, im a 14 year old boy with a 6 inch hard cock and i would love to meet up with anyond boy or girl for some rough sex

  21. dan said,

    i want to hump someone plz

  22. Bob Ledger said,

    Will some male in Derbyshire “PLEASE”!!! help me to wank off?

  23. Mark Alfat said,

    I will willingly help you Bob.
    Mark Alfat

  24. ardin said,

    hey im a teen and a boy and im gagging for some gay sex with some1 email me at ardinjacques@btinternet.com and we will meet up

  25. James said,

    I Love Wanking, i wank all the time, its so addictive, im 14 and i like wanking over boys and girls, im so horny at the moment if you give me emails we can chat about wanking all day.

  26. http://andcarinsurancequotes.com said,

    I would like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this web site. I’m hoping the same high-grade web site post from you in the upcoming as well. In fact your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own web site now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a good example of it.

  27. levi said,

    i have a around 6 or 5 ” cock and would like to fuck someone boy or girl and would like to take it up the ass

  28. will said,

    hey boy or girl i want to fuck contact me

  29. will said,

    hey anyone want to fuck im here contact me

  30. will said,

  31. bob the builder said,

    Someone send me a pic of their clit, need a good wank an porn aint doin the trick

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