Something I’ve been meaning to do….
So, here I am, back from the near-dead. Not really you understand, but something quite close to it all the same. Joyfully, I have a computer that I can sit at in almost total comfort and far removed from any smoking or general tosspottery. My lovely Ubuntu laptop is currently not playing ball, so I have moved on, to a supa-doopa widescreen, duel-core Toshiba laptop.
Anyway, the reason I’m sat here right now is to share something I’ve been meaning to do for fucking ages.
Moosh and I haven’t been out on one of our little jollies for quite a while. Actually bastardly ages. We have this wee thing of recording totally random thoughts or points of topic’s of conversations into one of a couple of ickle notebooks I have. And I keep saying that after these, or more often during, nights out I should/will blog it. But I haven’t. Cos I forget, or I’m actually too lazy to do so, or it’s a less than pleasant way to recover from a great deal of beer and dancing. So I present for your delectation, the first part of:
Random Bollockness From Pubs
Occasion: Pre-Halloween Drinkies
When: Before Halloween, obviously
Location: Stroud, as far as I can tell
Britain: Wall to Wall Lettuces!
Russia: Not so hot on the lettuces.
Moosh said: “I love big wavey mustaches!”
There is then a picture of two heads with Russian hats on and what mostly looks like sheep bodies with feet sticking out the bottom. This was actually Moosh’s attempt to draw us dressed as lettuces, Russian lettuces. For Halloween. Yes, that really makes sense, doesn’t it?! That was the plan for what our Halloween dressing up was to be that year. It was revised for something a little more sane – Russian military.
Russian lettuces. Bad idea?
30/9/06 Prediction – brunny
blokes –
either secret transvestites with big fake boobies (inflatable balloons – which hilariously get popped at 11pm)
OR
dress up like the crow/scary vampires
women –
slutty things
And the difference between that & normal Saturdays is….?
Bea loses voice saying “quim” in the Retreat.
Cardigan Flasher!
I’ve forgotten how to write!
Damn you internet!
Minge, quim, vulva, clam something, flaaange, cunt, fanny, box.
A small diagram of an equilateral triangle with the words quim at the top, flange at the bottom left & minge on the other corner. Then a circle with arrows going anti-clockwise with the word cock pointing to it. And what looks like a shoe a kid would draw, with tied up laces, that has the word penesse written within it. I think we may have been discussing the various slang words for genitalia. Where I get that idea from I don’t know! The penesse might be due to us talking about penis not being spelt the way it sounds, or something. I’m at a loss to understand the pictures.
Searching for camel toes.
= unfruitful
(thankfully)
FACT: Tights cause camel toes
says Bea
“I am a great slut” said Bea in the Retreat after the book was put away.
It’s not just muffin tops people should be aware of – it’s whole cake spillage.
*Everything in purple text was written by Bea; everything in pink was Moosh’s note-taking. But that doesn’t always mean the writer is recording their own musings.*
End Of Part One.
Bea Whale
Get something in!
This somehow seems right at home on this blog, currently.
Bea – Did ya miss me?? Did ya? Did ya?
Threesome survey
Your country needs you.
Well, OK, Moosh does. I need your views, opinions and experiences for my totally non-scientific survey. About threesomes (and lets not just limit it to threesomes, we’ll chuck in orgies too)
I want, nay need, to know just how far you’ve been down that road. The questions are as follows:
1) Have you ever been with more than one person at a time?
2) What sex are you? Aaaaaaand, what sex was everyone else there (We’re talking M to F ratio here)?
3) If you’ve never had one, would you like one?
4) If you’ve had the opportunity to have one, but didn’t – why not?
I can hear you all asking “but why, Moosh?” And the answer is simple. I was musing a recent topic of conversation up on Selsley Hill this afternoon, freezing my nads off (if I’d had any) and reckoned that I must be the only person in the whole world to have not already had a threesome. It’s just one of those “100 things to do before you’re 30” type of jobs, isn’t it?
Well, a quick text later to Bea explaining my lamentations, and as it turns out she feels my pain. And also regrets many peoples lack of interest when talking about poo, but that’s another story.
A conversation at this moment with an ex-colleague of mine via skype, reveals his threesomelessness too and he’s 40.
So it got me wondering about the rest of the population, and I am quite a nosey person – watching that guy indulging in some self-gratification in Amsterdam was the ultimate reward for such a closet dogger as myself.
It’s not that I haven’t actually had the opportunities to have multiple partners at once, because I have. At a nightclub back in the dim and distant past of 2003ish a friend and I were drinking with some amiable fellows when they suggested we all went back to their hotel room. There were 4 of them (if I remember correctly) and just 2 of us. I remember her looking at me, and me looking at her and for maybe 2 seconds we were both seriously considering it…but then it was like the green cross code man was sat on our shoulders: always look both ways before crossing the road, never except sweets from strangers etc. And that was it. We declined.
You could say it was all very sensible to not go back to 4 strange mens hotel room (thanks 70s public information films!). And you’d probably be right. At least that’s what I shall tell myself – they were all mad axe murderers anyway.
On the flip side of unknown murderers though, was when I spent a blissful summer living in a one bedroomed flat with about 10 other people. Quite often there would be 5 of us in bed at any given time, so when 2 people started getting a little frisky – I remember looking round at the other 3 people in the room…and we all looked at each other. We were a, how to put it…a relaxed kind of community, and I think all of us were waiting for just one person, just one, to kick things off. The tension in the air crackled – everyone felt it. I just don’t know for the life of me why I didn’t kiss the girl next to me that I’d fancied for ages.
Unfortunately I can’t blame David Prowse for the lack of action on my part for that one, so I just had to chalk that up to experience.
Ah well, I’m confident that with 10 months to go until I hit 30 I will have another opportunity to tick this off my list. Hopefully :S
-moosh
Nothing (much) To Report 