This week
This week I have mainly been gnashing my teeth at Americans, burning cake, drinking champagne and eating really shit food.
My reasons for Yank bashing are very justified. I work in IT. I don't know why I do, it's certainly not for the recognition or any kind of appreciation 😉 Anyway, for my sins I wrote some software for the all the UK offices of "weird community charity" where I work. This then got noticed by the USA branch and they thought it was great and wanted it. They promised a trip to New York, and buckets of kudos for just a few minor changes *cough*
Weeks later, I'm still not finished because they change the spec (said in the loosest possible way) weekly and don't really know what they actually want. Well, that's not totally true – they know what they don't want – and that's what the UK system has as it "doesn't work for their way of working". So I'm having to re-write the system, email them "is this what you meant" and getting a "well, gee whizz we could really use a blah blah something we hadn't thought of before" followed swiftly by "why isn't this finished yet?"
Aaarrrghhhhhmotherfuckingfwapbumwankyarsejobtitcumgoatse.
Never work with kids, animals or Americans. I'm also glad that the trip to NY is off, as I may just knee them in the 'nads if I went over right now.
On a more positive note – the cake and champagne was due to it being exactly a year since I signed my life away to a 30 year mortgage. The cake just refused to cook and so just burnt itself on the outside whilst still managing to be squidgy on the inside. Well, thankfully I'm not planning on changing my career to Top Chef anytime soon. In fact trolley collecting in Tesco's actually seems like it would be a lovely, peaceful job right now.
Thank goodness there was champagne to soak up the uncooked cake that's all I can say.
Tags: Yank+bashing, champagne, mortgage
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