Answers to questions
Just what you’ve always wanted to know the answers to (according to Moosh) , and have been searching for :
- drive from dunkerque to bruges – yes, drive as fast and as far away from Dunkerque as you can. Bruges is lovely – don’t eat too many waffles though and please go on a boat and tell us about how nice it was.
- can you tell me the reason for the flowers – quite simply, no but I’ll have a go. Flowers are usually either bought in a) the heady first days of love, or b) when someone has done something wrong. If you are not in category a) run away very fast.
- how to wank – look, if I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times – get yourself a wank bank and keep it topped up regularly with real life scenarios such as (for example, plucked purely out of the air *ahem*) getting fingered in your place of work. I find this one to work on so many levels – not only can you have the satisfaction of doing it on a colleague/boss’s desk, but when you are in a dull meeting you can let your mind wander back to this moment and re-live the back-archingly good orgasm. *cough*
- how do i have a good wank – see above.
- Gogglebox TV router configuration – Errrr. Sorry, can’t help you. Do people still really call it the gogglebox?
- “ian hislop” glasses – what? Is that some kind of style of glasses? You want some? I suggest Specsavers, although I doubt that Ian Hislop actually goes there – he probably goes to some swanky place in London.
- cafe rene birdlip – no, I’m sorry, Cafe Rene is in Gloucester. I’m not going to tell you where, as it’s difficult enough to get to the bar on a Saturday night without having random people from blogs turning up. Although it is a *very* good pub.
- how much baggage can you take in aerosvit – 20 kilos I think in Economy – like most scheduled airlines. Although, don’t take my word for it – you could try checking their website – but it’s shite.
- british over polite – yes, we are. And we’re very proud of it, thank you very much.
- shagging in a car – Although I actually lost my viginity in a car, I can’t say I’d recommend it, unless you have something like a volvo estate. My little sporty car is *far* too small to even accomodate such thoughts, let alone the deeds.
- jizz in his socks – ewwww! That’s not nice. I can handle jizz in the hair, on the face and other such places but not on the socks. That’s just plain wrong.
- dogging events in swindon – Not a clue. Just turn up to any old dark car park and you’ll be sure to see lots of old men in rain coats waiting for some action. You wont see a Moosh or a Bea though – we’re far too scared to even go out after dark now after the events at Birdlip.
- wanking bus stop – Is that a bus stop that wanks, or someone wanking at a bus stop? Either one conjures up bizarre images.
-moosh
Nothing (much) To Report 